How much do you really want to know...?

Since my last post several things have happened. We received our invoice for the sum of money that is due at this point. We have a 15 day time line to pay this. We have really felt like it is not up to us to figure it out and God has really shown up. So many people have dug deep and given to us freely. You know who you are and we couldn't be more thankful! Even people we don't know. God is amazing in his provisions!

We also received our travel packet. This is full of information on the next steps of the adoption. I must admit, I began ready this booklet on Friday morning before work and got really overwhelmed and a bit discouraged. I really thought the paperwork and most of the stuff was done but I found out it isn't. Uggh. I got home from work and proceeded to read this 58 page document entirely. Every detail, everything written out. I finished with more questions. Yes, it answered many questions I had but left me with quite a few too. I guess reading something can't really even come close to experiencing something. I was hoping this packet might put some of my fears, anxieties & questions to rest. It did for a few things but also raised a few more. There were details about preparation for our trip, our stay in Colombia, information for after we return, additional reading materials and forms. Details about what to expect from the children, our need to learn Spanish... etc. The list goes on. All this to say... I can really use your prayers. I want to have joy and peace in this whole process. I'm very excited about being closer to getting the children but I feel like a thousand road blocks just got put in front of me. You know the saying... "knowledge is power?" Well I now have more knowledge about international adoption than most people and I'm not really feeling all that powerful. I am relieved and thankful that my God is with me through it all and my dear, sweet husband. I couldn't do this without them.

This is really a faith journey. I feel my faith being put to the test daily, almost minute by minute. The funny thing is is that God is so faithful. I have no doubt that he is going to provide for EVERY need we have, he is going to see us through all of this ... my faith doesn't seem to lack in my God. I just tend to have trouble relinquishing control even though he has proven faithful. I tend to question myself through these things. Sometimes I'm not sure if it is OK to feel the way I'm feeling. I guess it is probably normal but sometimes I feel so hung up on it. I know that God can handle my frustrations, my fears, my failures, my doubts... sometimes I just don't handle them so well.

"Each of us must decide where we're going to put our energy when the battle grows fierce." "God, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which You have called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Phil. 3:13-14). Help me to forget all past failures - or even achievements - and to focus on pressing forward with You now."